PSL/Meme Continuation

[kingseeking]

for PSLs and meme continuation/overflow

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tense phonecalls

[declanisms]

[He remembers the first time that Ronan brought Gansey to the Barns. The first time that he'd gotten a glimpse of him as something more than the boy he was at school. This Gansey was all bright and lit up inside, something irrefutable to his charm as he talked about ley lines and Glendower. He hadn't been able to help thinking how lovely he was, but he'd tried to resist. Gansey was Ronan's friend, and Declan was not allowed to want things.

But Niall had died, leaving Declan executor of the estate and convenient target for Ronan's ire. He'd gone to live with Gansey, and they'd become something like friends, a bond that came from mutual love-tinged-with-frustration for Ronan. And then there'd been that night at the hospital, and he'd been out of town when it had happened, and he'd ended up with his face pressed into his shoulder, because he'd almost lost Ronan. He still thinks that maybe he should have told Gansey about Ronan's dreams then, but he knew Gansey would feel the need to talk about it, and it would be another betrayal of their father that Declan did not have the emotional currency to afford.

He'd kissed him. Overwhelmed and wanting and aching for something that was good. He'd been prepared to apologize, but Gansey had kissed the words from his mouth. Things were good. But there was still Ronan. They've learned to keep these conversations to phone calls, where they're less likely to be distracted, to soften each other so they don't say the words they feel they have to.]

--I'm not saying it's your fault, Dick. But he missed three days this week, including a test in World History. I got a phone call from Aglionby about an ethics hearing because they feel he's not, quote- 'conducting himself to the standards Aglionby holds all its young men' end-quote. I managed to put it off for the moment, but if things don't change, he's not going to make it to midterms.

[He loved his brother. And he tried to not think of a name for his feelings for Gansey. But it didn't make these conversations easier. He knew Gansey was doing his best, but Gansey was the only person with any hope of getting Ronan to behave, so Declan had to push sometimes, to make sure Gansey was pushing Ronan.]

[kingseeking]

[Gansey felt tired the moment he saw Declan's name pop up on his phone - and what a terrible way to feel when getting a call from your boyfriend. But something told him - Ronan's attitude earlier that afternoon, the struggle with which he's had to strongarm him into doing his homework lately, maybe just the smell of the air - that this would not be a pleasant phone call.

[And it isn't. Gansey hates to argue, and he especially hates to argue with Declan, because they so often do, and it's so often about Ronan, and he so often wishes that they talked more often about pleasant things like each other than they did about unpleasant things like ethics hearings and wayward teenagers.

[He has to grit his teeth on the other end of the phone as Declan rattles on to avoid snapping at him, but it's something he's quite practiced at. Even where no one can see him, when he speaks, it's behind a stubborn smile - a smile with bite to it, and politeness in his tone that has all the more so. Your average Joe might not be able to place the irritation, but he knows Declan probably can.]

I wouldn't imply that you thought it to be my fault, Declan. [He says, knowing full well that that is what he felt Declan implied, meanwhile asserting that it's not his fault. "I'm doing the best I can," he feels like screaming, but he can't, of course, so he doesn't.] Ronan has been up on his school work - I should know, shouldn't I? We study together. And we've arrived at school the same time each day this week. If he's missed class, then it wasn't to my knowledge.

[He has to bite his lip to keep back from letting out a sigh - it comes out as a quick breath instead.]

I'll talk to him, of course. Now, that will be all, won't it? [He hates that he wants to get off the phone with his boyfriend right now. He hates that they have to talk about this in this way. He hates that he's angry at Declan because of Ronan's shortcomings - again. He hates his muddy sense of loyalty and the fact that he has to draw those lines in the first place.

[Christ. He mutters it only in his mind.]

[declanisms]

[He can hear the irritation in his voice as much as the soft power that masquerades as politeness. At one point it had been almost horrifying how easily he reacted to it. How it only really took that smile and that thrum to his voice to get him to back off, even when he was frayed and his temper was running hot and he was just tired of carrying so much on his shoulders. Having it thrown in his face that Ronan couldn't be bothered to keep up with even the most basic task of don't fucking get kicked out of school rarely improved his mood.

And yet still, Gansey could typically tug him back from the edge. And that was before they'd been dating.

He knows that even in these conversations, where they allow themselves to be harder with each other than they would be in person, there are still lines to them. He knows that if he tries to push against that that will be all, wont it? Gansey will have him dutifully ending the conversation without really being able to explain it aside from the edge to his voice.

Declan hates ending conversations on a tense note. It never seems to sit as poorly with Gansey, but maybe that's because he has his friends and his quest to distract him. Declan will stew in it until the next time they see each other, until Gansey can kiss the tension from his lips.]

Gansey. [His tone shifts to something only slightly soft and yet infinitely sweeter, and he lets it hang on the air for a moment, letting himself be Gansey's boyfriend and giving them both the space to acknowledge it. Just trying to breathe his intention and hope it starts to unravel the lines they drew. The careful way that he uses Gansey is like a code; only ever when he's being sweet with him. And so this is him letting himself be mollified by Gansey's defense, by his assurance that he'll talk to Ronan about it. Letting it go as best he can in hopes of at least a few minutes where they can be something else.]

You know, there'd be something almost alluring when you get like this, if only you weren't angry with me.

[It's flirty and just a little bit teasing, his words smooth, dropping a little bit lower in a way that's openly suggestive. It's also one of the rare moments in his life when he means every word he says.]

[kingseeking]

[Declan's teasing for a moment provokes more irritation, but it's short lived. Not unwarranted, Gansey thinks. He has a right to be irritated, doesn't he? Irritated that once again he's caught in the middle of something so volatile that he can't help but place himself there, if only to keep everyone from ripping out each other's throats.

[But it is short-lived, because the soft "Gansey" preceding it is disarming. The use of his preferred name may as well be a secret codeword between the two of them. Declan isn't angry at Gansey - not really. He's angry at Ronan, and Gansey knows that deep down. But it's still frustrating. Just not frustrating enough to keep a quick laugh that from escaping him. He'd almost like for it to sound like a scoff, but it isn't. He bites his lip again, shakes his head silently on the other end of the receiver. Then he glances around just to make sure that he's still alone, pacing around tiny Henrietta in an empty Monmouth.]

You must think you're very smooth. [Teasing in it's own right. There's a smile behind his voice, not half as biting as it was before.] I never said I was angry with you.